Sadly, Alzheimer's disease affects more than five million people in the United States. Most of us know someone who is coping with Alzheimer's or dementia. The tips below offer advice on how to modify your behavior to relate better to someone with memory loss.

Those with memory loss live in a different reality from our fast paced, noisy lives. Theirs is slow, quiet, and based in the remote past which is a predictable place in its familiarity of people and routines. They cannot sustain staying in the present; it is too difficult and confusing. Retreat into the past with your loved one and you will have a better than good visit!

• Plan a time limit on your visit that you are comfortable with – as few as 15 to 20 minutes can make for a good visit.
• Slow down your pace and your mind before entering your loved one’s space.
• If possible, turn off background noises, such as the TV and music, when having a conversation.
• Identify yourself each time. If he or she doesn’t know who you are, introduce yourself by your first name, “Hi Mom. Brad, your son, is here to spend some time with you.” It may take a full minute for your loved one to orient to you being there and to recognize who you are.
• Address one topic at a time. Don’t jump from subject to subject, especially in mid-sentence. Processing information is slowed in the brain of a person with Alzheimer’s. Sometimes it takes a full minute or longer for the brain to accept a message, make some sense of it, and formulate a response.
• Plan a task to be accomplished while you’re there, such as a short walk with easy, slow talk (you’ll probably carry most of the conversation), reading a story, listening to music together, or giving your mom a manicure.
• Communicate positive feelings through quiet hand holding, a light back rub, or a hand resting on the back or forearm. Always approach your loved one from the front before touching so he or she isn't startled.
• Talk slowly and simply. Avoid complex concepts and repeat information as necessary to be clear.
• Avoid arguing with your loved one’s perceptions of things and don’t correct your loved one when he or she is wrong. Sometimes saying nothing works best. You always lose an argument with a confused person!
• Avoid long explanations, e.g., why your loved one must do something.
• Enjoy being in his or her world. Do not reality-orient or correct his or her memories or perceptions of things.
• Avoid questioning and quizzing. Avoid questions asking what, who, when, and especially why. Questions that can be answered “yes” and “no” are best.
• When asking a person with dementia to make a decision, offer only two choices, either of which is acceptable. More than that is too much for the brain to deal with now. For example, “Do you want to walk with me now, or talk together first?”
• Know that your presence alone brings peace and comfort to your loved one!

Relating to those with memory loss can often be challenging. It’s helpful to keep in mind that their behavior is their way of staying in touch with what is going on to feel in control of their lives. We understand that. The personal caregivers and Social Program Directors in our Memory Support Neighborhoods are trained in the habilitation method of memory care with a focus on maximizing the independence of each resident, as well as creating positive emotional experiences using all of the techniques and tips outlined here.

TIPS COMPLIMENTS OF
Beverly Moore, RN CS, Alzheimer Coaching Services, 617-233-1145

We offer Memory Support Neighborhoods in these locations:

South Boston, overlooking Dorchester Bay

Hopkinton, Massachusetts

In the heart of West Concord Village

Downtown Methuen, Just off Broadway.

Cambridge, overlooking Fresh Pond

Dorchester, in historic Lower Mills